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By Lei Lydle
Founder and Editor
Last Updated: 2/11/2007 10:19:35 AM |
Today I received the following wedding etiquette question by email and it is an interesting one that I think a lot of brides probably run into with destination weddings being so popular these days. Here is the question:
Q. I have a friend getting married in Colorado. She is being told that she can invite people to her showers even though the wedding guest list is very limited....because it's a "destination" wedding. Is that right?
(sounds right to me, but I just remember the old rule of "do not invite
people to a shower if they are not invited to the wedding.")
So here's my answer. It may not be popular, but here goes...
A. With the exception of the "office shower" the old rule that you refer to, "do not invite
people to a shower if they are not invited to the wedding", does hold true for destination weddings with a couple of exceptions:
- If you are having a very small destination wedding followed by a belated wedding reception after you return home AND you intend to invite the intended bridal shower guests to the belated reception, then you may invite them to the bridal shower. HOWEVER, you should send a "Save the Date" card for the belated reception FIRST. Only send the bridal shower invitation after you are certain that the Save the Date card has arrived so the intended guest doesn't feel awkward by thinking they have been invited to the shower but not the wedding.
Also if you do have a belated reception like this, it is a nice idea to show the wedding video or have have your photos on display so these guests can see what they are celebrating.
- If your friends, who KNOW they are not invited to the wedding, get together and decide to throw you a shower and THEY make up the guest list that is made up entirely of close friends that KNOW the deal (kind of like an office shower), then it is ok because the BRIDE really is not involved (again like an office shower).
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N Anderson from Albany, GA says... |
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We had a small (immediate family only)destination wedding with a reception 3 weeks after we got back. I did everything pretty much like what was mentioned before. The save-the-dates were sent out 6 months before the wedding indicating the small intimate wedding and the reception follwing. I was fortunate enough to still have 4 great showers. We did show the wedding video at the reception in the bar area. Everyone, at some point, watched the video. One other idea that may be of some help....we displayed various wedding photos as center pieces on the dinner tables. That way people could mingle while looking at the photos.
Wedding Date: 01/17/05 |
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Posted: 2/10/2007 7:50:51 PM |
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Lei Lydle, Editor from says... |
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Dear Mom from Seattle,
A Bridal Shower is never necessary, however it is important to note that guests may or may not bring wedding gifts to the belated reception. The purpose of the bridal shower is to shower the bride (or couple) with gifts...so... that is the only party where you are guaranteed to get gifts.
Regarding your second question, please see my answer #1 in the article above. It is vitally important in this situation that the family members receive some notice that they are invited to the belated reception BEFORE they are invited to the shower. I would also mention in your save the date that the actual ceremony is a small destinatin wedding with a local reception to follow. Good luck!
~ Lei |
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Posted: 10/30/2006 12:32:35 PM |
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Mom from Seattle, WA says... |
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If a post-wedding reception is planned, is a bridal shower necessary? Is it rude to invite extended family to a shower AND a post-wedding reception when it is not likely they are able to attend a destination wedding? |
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Posted: 10/29/2006 1:53:23 PM |
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