Dressing The Ring Bearer

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Dressing The Ring Bearer


By Lei Lydle
Founder and Editor
Last Updated: 6/3/2006 3:14:48 PM

Usually the Ring Bearer is a little boy and according to Emily Post's Complete Book of Wedding Etiquette, "the most appropriate dress is short pants with an Eton jacket, preferably white but occasionally navy. Small editions of the ushers' costumes are not in good taste."

Well, I think times have changed since the writing of that book. If you want to dress the Ring Bearer in a small tuxedo feel free! If you are not dressing him identical to the others, at least dress him in the same color scheme. Depending on the formality, and the size of the boy, he can wear a tuxedo, light or dark suit, or possibly even knickers with knee socks for a less formal garden wedding.

Little Tuxedos Can Be Expensive!

You should keep in mind that renting a little tux, shoes, bow tie and cummerbund can cost as much as renting a man's tuxedo. But, there are ways to save money if your Ring Bearer does not have to wear a tux. For one, you could let the little guy wear his own suit as long as it is within your color scheme. All you would need to provide is the bow tie to match the groomsmen. If he is really young he can wear a pair of white shorts with a white dress shirt and a bow tie.

Who Pays?

The Ring Bearer's parents are responsible for the his attire. The bride and groom, however, should supply the ring pillow.

Works cited:
Post, Elizabeth L. Emily Post's Complete Book of Wedding Etiquette (Revised Edition). New York: Harper Collins Publisher, 1991.

98 Comments Submit Comments...


Guest suzane from says...
Hallo All! I wanted to thank all poster for giving me an idea how to solve my problem! I had no female relatives, as did not my huband. In a talk with a close friend she told me about this site here. I had finaly decided to ask her and an others frinds sons (16 and 12) to be my bridesmaid and flowergirl. Both looked like girls. I payed for the dresses (flowergirl dress form storybook). If any one has more questions (like styles etc) can contact me under suzane.k@operamail.com

Wedding Date: 05/25/2006
Posted: 6/3/2006 8:48:54 AM


Guest Shari from Memphis says...
Hey all, neat post. So many expereinces! I have some expereince with this, and as long as it is ok with all involved, go fro it. There are no hard and fast rules! Peace Shari
Posted: 4/24/2006 5:31:31 PM


Guest Tinastone from Pacoima, CA says...
This is a terrific idea and solves all sorts of problems.. I have two nephews about the same age but no neices. One of my nephew's Chrissie who is 7 has insisted he is a girl since he was a toddler. My sister has always allowed him to dress up around the house, he is really makes a pretty girl, and a few weeks ago we took him with us when we were looking for my bridal gown and the bridesmaids dresses. He was of course fascinated by all the beautiful clothes. He has fairly long hair and at the time he was dressed in white jeans and a yellow top and a matching scrunchie so the sales girl thought he was going to be the flower girl anyway and asked if we would like see a few dresses. Chrissie got very excited but my sister hesitated and said we hadn't decided who would be the flower girl. I showed this article to my sister and she is very enthusiastic and can't wait to surprise Chrissie by asking him/her to be my flower girl. If anybody wants to email me please feel free. Tinastone@aol.com

Wedding Date: 8-15-06
Posted: 2/8/2006 3:30:36 PM


Guest Janet S from says...
Hi Ashley! My brother looked great! He definately looked like a girl. He's adventuresome so he really got into it (padded bra, makeup etc). He's tall (great legs!) and the skirt was kinda short so he had to practice keeping his knees together.lol.Janet

Wedding Date: August,2006
Posted: 2/6/2006 8:32:22 PM


Guest Ashley B. from Dallas,Tx says...
Well he loves me! I just gave him some sad eyes and said how much it would mean to me and he agreed! He was amazed at the work it went into being a woman.I think its great for guys to see how we live as well.They wont have a second thought when it takes us a little while to look beautiful.I think they think we just wake up this way! It's too bad more men don't have to see what its like. I will cherish it always what he did for me.Did your brother have fun in his escapade?Was he pretty? lol! i agree with you on the ringbearer wearing a dress. I think they are too young and that shouldnt be done.My brother was old enough to decide whether he wanted to wear a dress and heels.
Posted: 1/20/2006 11:53:40 PM


Guest Janet from Flint,Mi says...
Wow I am amazed that your (ashley's) brother would do that for you...it's hard to turn down a bride's request for her wedding. I bet he was surprised when you told him you wanted him to be a bridesmaid. sounds like he really got into it! I see from some of the other posts that other guys did and liked the same thing..they can now see the "work" we gals have to do. If the bride and guy are all for it I say go for it! i think its great for guys to see how "the other half " lives..but being a bridesmaid...talk about the ultimate! My brother's girlfriend dressed him like a girl for a costume party...it was a riot! Even though a bride should get "her way" I really don't think she should pressure a mom and her little boy to be a ring bearer in a flower girl dress...I think he'd be teased way too much. Not knowing what he was getting into could be very embarrassing to him...especially when he was older. just my thoughts! JanetS164@comcast.net

Wedding Date: August 2006
Posted: 1/19/2006 7:36:49 PM


Guest Ashley B. from Dallas,Tx says...
Hey , i came across this topic and I just had to tell my story. I am really close to my little brother.So when it was time for my wedding I asked him to be one of my bridemaids.He said i was crazy but we are silly and love to have fun in my family so after me begging him he decided he would do it.He was 17 at the time.But i told him i wanted him to practice being a girl so it wouldnt be a mockery.So I had him have "girl" practice for a few weeks.He graduated that so we decided it was a go.My mom loved it and my dad thought it was hilarious.He wasnt a big guy and had long hair so it wasnt that hard for him.I think he ended up being a size 6.Anyway, when the wedding got here we did him all the way like the other bridesmaids.He shaved his legs,had his hair and nails done,ears pierced,etc.He wore the lingerie ,dress and heels like the other girls did as well.The girls really enjoyed him being with us and the fact he would wear the same thing as them.He looked so pretty! A knockout in fact.He complained some about the primping but said loved me and would do it.he ended up enjoying i and we had a blast! I wouldnt take the experience back for a million bucks.We have a great story to tell now.He totally pulled it off everybody had so much fun with it.They knew he was a guy but it didnt take anything away from me it was my day and I wanted my little "sister" up there with me.Thats what i call him sometimes now. lol anyway he's totally straight and very much the guy so i dont think this hurts anything.I just wanted to tell the brides side of this topic. Ashley
Posted: 1/17/2006 10:38:35 PM


Guest JanetS from Flint,Mi says...
I was the flowergirl in my aunt's wedding and my brother was the ringbearer. All the girl's wore sausage curls hairpieces and so did he!. I still remember how much fun it was to be part of the whole thing. I'm sure my brother loved all the attention and the gals did his nails also (I think they even put some flowers in his hair). We were all in satin and he wore a similar short pants outfit. All the girls and moms thought he was adorable but I know my father cringed! I think a little boy in a flowergirl dress would be too much but I do think short pants are much better than a little tuxedo.

Wedding Date: August 2006
Posted: 1/14/2006 1:34:17 PM


Guest JillBowden from Birmingham says...
I have fitted out brides, bridesmaids, matrons, grooms and so on for literally hundreds of weddings over the past 28 years, yet I can count the number of boys who have been dressed as bridesmaids or flower girls on the fingers of one hand. In my experience, it is extremely rare. The last one was for a wedding on Christmas Eve 2003, and the little boy was six years old and he was one of seven bridesmaids, and dressed exactly like the others. The one before that was quite a few years ago, and he was about eleven or twelve. I remember that when he came for one of his fittings it was a very warm day, late afternoon, and he was with his mother. I didn't recognise him at first because he and his younger sister were wearing identical lemon-coloured summer school dresses, white socks and sandals and they had school bags. I remember thinking surely she's not let him go to school like that! I didn't actually ask her but presumably she had. I haven't seen him since, except that his photo was in the local newspaper because he'd been given some award for saving a child from drowning at a public swimming pool. He was just wearing normal men's clothes that time, but I recognised him straight away. Jill xx
Posted: 11/12/2005 10:34:09 AM


Guest K.C. from Tulsa, OK says...
I'm a 48 year old male whose always had "crossdressing tendancies", I guess you'd say. My (much older) sister got married when I was about 10 I was the ringbearer and wore a suit. My mother made all of the bridesmaid dreses and the flower girl dress by hand. She'd have me try on the flower girl dress for fitting purposes. At the various fittings she'd alternate between telling me it was my dress and the flower girls. She had me convinced that she was making two dresses, one for me! I was extatic! I had long hair and was excitedly trying different hairstyles, talking about how they were going to do my hair, practicing walking in heels, etc. When she told me I was going to have to wear a suit I was crushed, and embarrassed that I'd been so openly excited about it. I was really being ugly about it, so she told me if I'd wear the suit she'd get the dress back from the flower girl and have my picture taken in it after the wedding. She kept her word, and after the wedding I had my hair done, nails polished and wore heels, hose , makeup, etc. and had my picture done at the same studio my sister had used. My sister was mad about it, even though I didn't dress that way at the wedding. I think she's still mad about it. It was a great day (the photo day, that is) for me, though. No one should assume that these boys are being forced. I would have loved it!

Wedding Date: 7-08-78
Posted: 11/10/2005 12:18:36 PM


Guest stephan from san diego, c a says...
I was in two weddings, both of which were my older cousins and was the flower girl as there were no little girls in the family. the first one I was 6 and the other I was 10. My mother used to do my hair every saturday morning since I could remember. when it came time for the first wedding I had been having my hair set for a while so it was no big deal. I had several fittings for the dress and on the day before the wedding had my hair shampooed and set and slept in the rollers. They did my make up and painted my nails and the wedding went off without a problem. the second wedding was more fun as I was older and my hair was longer. We all had very elaborate updos and acrylic nails which I wore for a few days. in the days that followed the second wedding my mother and aunt set my hair many times and tried out alot of the older styles on me. I still remember those times and how relaxing they were. I miss having my hair done, especially when the world is getting so crazy and violent that no one has time for anything. it should be no big deal if the person is not forced into it. life is too short, just enjoy it don't analyze it.

Wedding Date: 1966,1970
Posted: 11/9/2005 10:11:02 PM


Guest Cory from Durham, NC says...
My wife directed me to this discussion so I thought I’d add my own story. I too was a male “jr. bridesmaid.” This was in 1989 at a cousin’s wedding in Baton Rouge when I was 14. I had long hair – still do, actually – and was slender and known for wearing “different” clothes, and my cousin needed one more bridesmaid to fill out the wedding party. Her mother asked my mother if I’d consider standing up in a bridesmaid’s dress and my mother came to me and basically said “You need to do this.” There was little to no discussion about what the experience would do to me, or what the reaction would be; I think that’s partly just my family: we tend to do things as we see fit and damn the torpedoes, so to speak. Anyway I went through the whole ordeal, fittings, attending the shower, etc., and everyone treated me super-nicely and accepted me as ‘one of the girls.’ The morning of the wedding I had a 10 a.m. appointment at the beauty salon and got the full roller set, manicure and makeup. They did my face and nails while I was still in rollers, and then I sat under the dryer with the other girls for almost an hour. They did us all in updos – I had about 30 bobby pins in my hair. I wore a pale blue sheath dress with padded bra, hose and pumps with long gloves. I’d say about half the attendees knew I was a boy. I did not have to dance with any guys although I did get escorted up the aisle by a college friend of the groom’s. I have to say he was very nice about it. At the reception I danced most of the night, mostly with the other bridesmaids. Didn’t really try to catch the bouquet. My cousin and my sister were very grateful and I have always looked back fondly on the experience. I think every family’s different but if your son or nephew or cousin is willing there is no reason for a boy to not be a flower girl/bridesmaid. P.S. I wore the nail polish for about a week afterward that summer and have continued to wear nail polish and have my hair set occasionally.

Wedding Date: August 2002
Posted: 11/7/2005 6:44:34 PM


Guest Dennis from Bath, New York says...
To Monice of Jacksonville on salons and boys hair styles. I lived in Denver Colo. for a few years and a freind of mind work at a salon doing women and girls hair. He had been doing this young girls hair for the passed two years. Then one day he found out it was a boy, he about passed out from shock. He was shocked as to how many mothers dressed their young boys as girls along with the hair style. And it even happens in a small county town of Bath!

Wedding Date: Dec. 20, 1989
Posted: 11/7/2005 5:53:30 PM


Guest Ellen from Pittsburgh says...
Becky, After I wrote that I went looking for a picture I knew I had, I found it and was amazed I had to really study it to make sure it was the correct wedding (I seem to attend allot). What caused my confusion was, I couldn't tell which of the young ladies Danny was. They all were so beautiful. The shock of that moment must have blinded me to how pretty he was. Let's see if i can describe him. His hair was up with baby’s breath, peal earrings and necklace, a very pale blue dress tea length with a halter neckline, tiered skirt, lovely legs with matching satin very high heeled pumps (way too high). His makeup and nail polish was perfect. In the photo what makes him stand out is that he’s by far the prettiest girl. He’s the most feminine and just gorgeous. I called him, I didn’t tell him about these posts, we’ve never really had much of a conversation concerning that day, so I was a little apprehensive to say anything, but I made it known I found a picture of his sister’s wedding. You could hear the pain in his voice, he didn’t ask what it was of, just please that I burn it. I said yes and I have. That poor boy is still in pain over this.

Wedding Date: 6/26/02
Posted: 11/7/2005 2:47:37 PM


Guest N.C. from Lakewood, NN says...
At lunch, I had been sitting at a table adjacent to some women who were discussing a wedding one of them had attended where the boy ringbearer was wearing a dress. The reactions were those of hostility and some of whom thought it “cute.” It was during this conversation that someone mentioned your column. Some of your readers’ responses paralleled mine; I was “very” junior bridesmaid, junior bridesmaid and finally a bridesmaid. We lived in Pennsylvania at that time and the weddings where in San Diego where my cousins resided. Nobody knew I was a boy and my mother instructed everyone that no one was to know, obviously to avoid the problems, again discussed by your readers. My time spent in preparation, fittings, make-up, etc., hair stylists with my cousins and sisters were a lot of fun. I do not dress in women’s clothes and we have never told anyone because of probable reactions. The only time, I ever came close to revealing the events to my wife, was when my cousin, who was a bridesmaid at my sister’s wedding in Pennsylvania, (I was an usher) said to me while I was dancing with my wife, “Remember how uncomfortable those heels we wore and how uncomfortable it was coming down the aisle.” When my wife looked amazed, my cousin immediately responded, “I never stopped complaining to your husband.”

Wedding Date: October, 1985
Posted: 11/7/2005 11:33:25 AM


Guest Becky from Seattle, WA says...
This is for Ellen from Pittsburgh from Sept 23 posting. I was just wondering what the dresses in your sisters wedding looked like? Were they floor length gowns or tea length. Straps strapless? Did the girls wear their hair up or down? How was Danny's hair fixed? You did right with Danny; your sister should have praised him to the guests for being a good sport and helping out instead of humiliating him.
Posted: 11/7/2005 10:18:24 AM


Guest R P from London, England says...
Hello RB from ARK. Thank you for your interest in my experiences. It wasn't a recent event, it was over 40 years ago when I was 10. I'll try to keep this as brief as possible. My father's brother was due to marry and his bride-to-be had requested that my little sister (5) be bridesmaid along with my cousin Rachel (12) and the brides best friend (20's) who's name I can't remember. My little brother (7) was to be pageboy. 4 days before the wedding my mother recieved a phone call which lasted an age, when she hung up she called me into the sitting room and said she and Maureen (the bride) would be hugely obliged if I would do them a massive favour. Would I take Rachel's place at the wedding as she had caught measles. I was stunned, and immediately pictured myself in a similar outfit to my little brother (white blouse, pale blue velvet knickerbockers and black maryjanes) Oh no, said mother, would I literally take Rachel's place! I was apalled. However, my mother could be very persuasive, and after much pleading and offers of incentives I found myself inexplicabally saying yes! So, on the eve of the wedding, I was packed off to bed with my quite long blond hair in rollers and hairnet, much to my brother's amusement. The next day, hair combed out and looking ridiculous (IMHO) my mother, sister, little brother and me were taken to the brides house where we were to be readied for the wedding. When I was dressed I felt terrified, despite all the women telling me I looked fantastic, I was sure everyone would know I was a boy. Walking down the aisle trying to stop my legs from trembling, I was dressed in a pale blue satin, knee length dress with all the trimmings, and I mean all! Paper nylon petticoat, lipstick, eyeshadow, I even had to wear frilly nylon panties!! The worst part was having to wear stockings. Because Rachel was nearly 13, she was to be allowed to dress more 'grown up' and as I was pretty much the same size as her I wore what she was supposed to wear. The only thing that kept me going was the older bridesmaid whispering words of encouragement the whole time. I stood through the ceremony blushing, every time I moved the stiff nylon petticoat rustled, I was sure it was deafening. The two things that have really stuck in my head over the years have been 1, The fact that my little brother let on to a horrible boy called Kevin the fact that I was really a boy. He then tormented me relentlessly and took every oportunity to lift my dress and laugh at my underpinnings for about 10 minutes 'til his mother caught him and gave him such a slap that the tears I was about to shed turned to a very happy smile. The second thing, oddly, was the stockings! Because it was 1962 modern stretchy nylons weren't really available so I wore suspenders that held these white nylon stockings very tightly so that it almost seemed as if I couldn't bend my legs, and they were really swishy and slippery.....very odd for a small boy!! That's it really, nerve wracking at the time but I lived to tell the tale!

Wedding Date: 1962
Posted: 11/7/2005 8:44:18 AM


Guest Beth from San Diego says...
Liz, Quite a story about little Stevie, but I'm confused about a couple of things. Was he actually in the wedding? If so, what was his position, or did his mother just want to dress him as a girl? I've voluntered at my kids school for several years, and I've seen lots of little boys with long hair, but never anything close to waist length or longer. Did he like his hair that long, or was his mom forcing him. I think little boys with long hair and cute clothes are just darling as long as they and thier moms both like it. It's another matter if the moms wanted a daughter and are stuck with a son. Also, how old is he now, and how long is his hair? This is just an intriging story. Beth

Wedding Date: in between
Posted: 11/4/2005 7:09:40 PM


Guest RB from LR, ARK says...
My fiance and I may come across a similar situation when we get married this summer -- his nephew, who will be 6, is going to be in the wedding and I've let his mother, who often lets him wear girls dresses and skirts, know that we would love to have him as the flower girl. He lives out of state and believe me no one will know the difference and we don't feel the need to broadcast that he's actually a boy. RP from London, we would love to hear about your experience as a bridesmaid. I assumed that this was a more recent development. Thank you!

Wedding Date: July 2006
Posted: 11/4/2005 6:00:26 PM


Guest Tina from Jacksonville, IL says...
Rochelle, Thank you for your commrnts. I don't totally disagree with you. I was wrong to say it was total hogwash. I never said I was repulsed by boys dressed as girls but I am when the boy is forced, and humiliated by it. Boys wanting to be dressed as girls and being flowergirls or bridesmaids or even femenenly dressed ring bearers is the exception, not the rule. All I'm saying is a boy shouldn't be forced like the boy I saw was, no matter how much the bride wants it.
Posted: 11/4/2005 11:37:34 AM


Guest RP from London, England says...
I happened upon this site purely by chance and I have to say I was amazed. I thought I was pretty near unique in being a boy bridesmaid! I was 10 at the time and the circumstances were really bizarre. It resulted in me being able to remember the occasion with crystal clarity over forty years later. It's not the sort of thing one talks about generally, but being a fairly anonymous forum I'd be happy to explain further if anyone is interedsted.

Wedding Date: June 1962
Posted: 11/3/2005 8:14:06 AM


Guest Jamie from Chicago, IL says...
Liz/Rochelle - Thanks for sharing. Keep the comments and stories coming ladies. It's nice to hear all the opinions and examples.
Posted: 11/2/2005 9:47:59 PM


Guest Liz from Seattle says...
Wow, what an interesting topic. I have never heard of little boys being flower girls or bridesmaids. But @ six years ago when I was a senior in high school a new family moved into our neighborhood. It was a single mom with a girl my sisters age @ 14, and a little boy named Stevie @ 6. For the longest time we thought he was a little girl. He had beautiful long blonde hair down to the middle of his back. He also had the cutest little pixie face with big blue eyes, long lashes, and pierced ears. It was really impossible to tell he was a boy. I went away to college the next year and kind of forgot about him. When I came home from school for the holidays I was schocked to see that his hair was even longer. My sister was good friends with the daughter, and she told me that the mom's goal was to grow it to his waist. Anyway by the time he was 9, (probably 4th grade) she had surpassed her goal. To make a long story short the mom got engaged and we were all invited to the wedding. Stevie was 10 now and his hair was probably at least a good six inches below his waist. The wedding was at the local yacht club on a beautiful summer day. I didn't really want to go, but I thought that weddings are always a good place to meet guys, so I went. We got the biggest shock of our lives. Stevie was wearing a little girls sailor outfit. He had on blue coulottes (sp) with a white sailor blouse that had the square collar and big bow in the front, white knee socks, and blue T-bar sandals. His hair had been curled, and he was wearing a little bit of makeup. The odd thing about it all is that he was so happy with what he was wearing, and all his relatives thought he was so cute. It was a really a nice wedding and reception, but I just could never figure out what that mom was thinking. About a year after that they donated some hair to the Locks of Love, but it's still very long and growing. I guess some mothers just really wanted girls. Liz

Wedding Date: still looking
Posted: 11/2/2005 7:26:03 PM


Guest Rochelle from San Antonio, TX says...
To Tina, I'm sure the experience you related was the EXCEPTION, not the rule. Sure, it's a given that boys don't want to be perceived as being a sissy (ie: looking like a boy while wearing feminine-looking clothing), but I've seen at least a half a dozen weddings where a boy was made up completely so he could easily pass as a flower girl or bridesmaid. On every one of those occasions, the boys looked wonderful and they were VERY WILLING participants! So, your statement that this practice is pure hogwash doesn't ring true. The practice may totally sicken you and turn your insides out, but don't condemn others for doing it and getting enjoyment out of it! Not everyone likes the same things. The fact that you're repulsed by boys dressed as girls doesn't mean your opinion is the absolute correct one.
Posted: 11/2/2005 5:33:32 PM


Guest Tina from Jacksonville, IL says...
I attended a wedding years ago where the ring bearer was a 10 year old boy. Although too old for the job they had him dressed in a peach colored velvet shorts that matched the flower girl's dress. He also wore a white blouse with short puffy sleeves and Peter Pan collar. The blouse buttened up the back and was obviously purchased in the girl's dept. White knee socks and peach colored girl's Mary Jane shoes. The flower girl had identical shoes and the bridesmaids pumps were the same color. You can tell this boy was very humiliated. He had tears streaking down his cheek as he carried the ring pillow down the aisle. At the reception he had to stay in that outfit and was taunted and called "sissy" by other children. This poor boy appeared to be getting a horrible punishment. It's bad enough that a 10 year old had to take a roll normally given to 5 year olds (the flower girl was 4) but they could at least let him wear a tux or suit and match the groomsmen instead of looking like an overgrown sissy. Many posts said boys would enjoy wearing dresses and being a flowergirl. Pure hogwash!! My biggest memory of that day isn't how beautiful the bride was, but how pityful and rediculous that poor boy looked and how miserable he was.
Posted: 10/31/2005 5:26:53 PM


Guest Jamie from Chicago, IL says...
Monica - What a wonderful story! Thank you for sharing. Ladies, any other similar ones to share in the same vein?
Posted: 10/28/2005 8:07:12 PM


Guest Monica from Jacksonville area says...
I'm not sure how I found this site but I was fascinated reading the comments. I work in a salon and we specialize in children's haircuts. We see some interesting things that mothers do with their sons' hair - pigtails, french braids, perms on four year old boys, etc. Not every day, but more than you'd ever imagine. There are just some mothers who wanted girls and can't let go of their sons long hair. About three years ago a woman who regularly brought her son for haircuts stopped coming in. We knew her well enough that we were surprised until another client who knew her said she was growing his hair out. Turns out she had stopped getting his hair cut right after Christmas so he could be in a the mother's sister's wedding in August. She brought him in right before school started to get his hair cut. She had permed his shoulder-blade lenght hair and it was the girliest thing you ever saw. She said he had been the flower girl at his aunts wedding. Complete with dress and everything. But the most interesting part was that three weeks after the wedding he was still wearing nail polish - that wasn't three weeks old! She got some but far from all of his hair cut off. It was still nearly shoulder-length and with the perm it was very feminine. He started school that way but in about three more weeks she brought him in and had it all cut off. I think going to school with hair like that was very hard for him. My take on him and the other boys we've seen with feminine hair styles is that the moms wanted girls and can't quite admit they didn't have them. I wonder if for many, events like having a boy be a flower girl isn't just an excuse for something they'd like to do anyway. I don't have any problem with letting a boy be a flower girl or have long curls or braids or wear dresses if HE wants to. But I'm not in favor of mothers pushing things like this on their sons.

Wedding Date: long ago
Posted: 10/26/2005 6:32:50 AM


Guest Jamie from Chicago, IL says...
Linda - Thank you for having the courage to say what I think a lot women feel but are maybe afraid to express. Good luck with your nephew. Please keep us posted on how things progress. Some of here do appreciate your "open-mindedness".
Posted: 10/25/2005 9:05:20 PM


Guest Anne from San Francisco, CA says...
This response is for Linda who is thinking about using her nephew as a flower girl in her wedding. I have a newphew about the same age and wouldnt think of having him do this, not only because I think it is wrong to dress a little boy up as girl to be in a wedding but because he will be the center of attention, not me, the bride. I speak from experience. A couple of years ago I was a bridesmaid in the wedding of a very good friend who had her little brother as a bridesmaid as well. They were very close and she wanted him to be included in her wedding party. He was a very nice kid and seemed to enjoy it all. I must admit he looked as good as any of us and carried it off very well. No one would have guessed that the pretty girl coming down the aisle was a boy. He had even masterred walking gracefully in high heeled shoes. Naturally, the word got around quickly that the one bridesmaid was a boy and he immediately became the center of attention both during the wedding ceremony and afterwards at the reception. No one paid much attention to the poor bride at all. That's certainly not what I want at my wedding. Everyone I know who was either there or heard about it now refers to the wedding as the one with the boy bridesmaid. That isn't how I want my wedding to be remembered. So, I would think long and hard before going through with having your nephew as a flowergirl. Cute little girls can be distracting enough at a wedding. I can only imagine what a commotion a little boy in a flowergirl dress would cause.

Wedding Date: April 2006
Posted: 10/25/2005 1:37:11 PM


Guest paul from pr says...
i think itis great that boys get to wear flower girls dresses i dressed as a bridsmaid when i was 15 and loved it all boys should get the chance to dress in prety clothes at least once in there lives and not be forced to be men so soon.

Wedding Date: none at moment
Posted: 10/14/2005 4:24:12 PM


Guest Linda from San Diego, CA says...
While surfing the net looking for ideas for my wedding, I came across this site. What a great idea it gave me. I have a 6 year old nephew that I absolutely adore and had planned to have him as a ring bearer in my wedding. He will be the only child in the wedding party. I had never even considered having him as a flowergirl until I read the posts here. I would certainly much rather have him in my wedding party rather than in the groom's. I talked to my sister about it (she will be my matron of honor) and referred her to this website as well. After she had visited here, I called her again and she said that she was okay with it if I could convince my nephew Cameron. I'm working on that now. He and I are very close and we do lots together. I think I can persuade him to do this for his favorite "auntie". In the meantime, his mom has put a hold on haircuts in case he does agree, and I think he will.

Wedding Date: June, 2006
Posted: 10/14/2005 11:09:51 AM


Guest Walter from Pasadena, ca says...
There are pictures of me in a flower girl dress in the late forties. Don't remember it really well but I did look cute. I grew up to be an Army Ranger with two combat tours in VN. Never wore girls clothing again. Guess it didn't bother me or change my "sexual identity". If a boy will wear a dress, let him... may make him tougher?
Posted: 10/14/2005 11:08:27 AM


Guest Jackie from Brick, MJ says...
Addressed specifically to Sheila, but applicable to a lot of comments here. There are some logistical problems with having an older (24!) year old, married male as a bridesmaid. You say everyone agreed with your (and his!) decision to wear a gown in your wedding-did that everyone include his wife? How did she feel about dancing with her husband while he was dressed in taffeta? And his usher counterpart-wasn't he in the least embarrassed to be dancing with another man during the wedding party dance (if you had one?). Or escorting 'her' down the aisle? Did your sisters or other female friends include him in the shower-he was a bridesmaid, remember? Given some of the showers I've been to, I'd have been a little uncomfortable with a man there-even if he WAS wearing a dress! And what about bridesmaids gifts-did your brother get the same silver compact or whatever that the other girls got? It might be different for a little boy as a flower girl-maybe. But at mine, my brother, who is a gay crossdresser and CAN pass as a girl, will be an usher if he wishes or a guest if not-or not be there. He won't be a bridesmaid. And he will follow the lead of another gay relative and not dance with his (male) partner-Will was considerate enough to dance with other ladies at my older sister's wedding. My brother's lifestyle choice is up to him-but this is going to be MY once in a lifetime day. I want it fairly conservative and traditional-not a time to strike a blow for gay rights!
Posted: 10/11/2005 8:50:56 AM


Guest Jamie from Chicago, IL says...
Sheila - Thank you for sharing a wonderful story. The situation sounds very similar to mine (though I have yet to stand up to a wedding "en femme"). I grew up in a house with a mother, aunt and two older sisters - so there was a very strong feminine influence from the time I was very young. I can still remember my sisters and thier friends dressing me up and putting make up on me. And things kind of progressed from there. Very similarly - my family has given me "girlie" gifts (cosmetics, clothing, jewelry, etc.) over the years for birthdays and Christmas. They have always been extremely encouraging and supportive. Would like to hear the experiences of others and especially from those women who have encouraged this in boys and young men.
Posted: 10/10/2005 9:25:45 PM


Guest Shelia from Cleveland, OH says...
I’m the oldest of four. Two sisters and a brother, he’s the youngest. I can’t remember a time when he didn’t cross-dress. We the girls got so tired of him raiding our closets we gave him all our hand me downs and at gift giving times we gave make-up, underwear, jewelry… those type items. He’s always been straight, now he’s 24, married and still cross-dresses. He was accepted because he wore us down, he wouldn’t stop dressing up. When he was about 14 and all dressed up one day in my old prom dress, I made the comment, “You won’t be a size 6 for much longer”. He’s answer was, ”Yes I will, I going to stop growing right now”. He did, my dad is 6’2”, he’s 5’6”, my dad’s foot size is 12 men’s, he’s 8 woman’s… he stopped growing, we all joke about it, but really, he just willed himself to and he did. I got married 3 years ago, my little brother was 21, he was asked to be as usher and he agreed, he didn’t jump for joy, but said sure. I thought something here is not right… it dawned on me what it was and before I asked him I asked everyone else. Everyone (and I mean everyone in my and my future husband’s family) all completely thought this was the correct thing to do. I sat him down, myself my two sisters and him, we all asked him to join us as a bridesmaid, he was so happy. He’s not feminine when dressed as a male, not at all, but when dressed as a woman, hair done and some make-up… wow, what a cute girl. He gives the same reason for this that he has always had… sometimes I just need to be a girl. My wedding was beautiful, the most wonderful day of my life and I got to share it with my three sisters. I see nothing wrong with asking a male if he’d like to choose his part to play at your wedding. Especially if he has a history of cross-dressing, then why not a flower girl or bridesmaid… even if he doesn’t have that public history and should want to try this, maybe this is his way out of the closet. My sister is engaged and planning her wedding and once again he’ll be a beautiful bridesmaid.

Wedding Date: August 2002
Posted: 10/7/2005 9:46:39 PM


Guest Jamie from Chicago, IL says...
Doreen - Thank you very much...I understand. And thank you so much again for taking the stand that you did and for speaking up on our behalf. The world needs more encouraging women such as yourself who are willing support those of us who enjoy our feminine side sooo much! If women and girls would take the time to assist us and encourage our pursuit of all things girlie and fem - the world would be a much better place. I hope more women who agree with this speak up in this forum.
Posted: 10/3/2005 8:10:49 PM


Guest Doreen from Raleigh, NC says...
To Jamie, I'm sorry to have to tell you that I don't have the salon anymore; I sold it about three years ago. Though if I still had the business, you would've been more than welcome there! I only do occasional cuts, styles, perms, colors, etc. now (mostly as favors to family members and close friends, when called upon.) Good luck to you.
Posted: 10/3/2005 5:39:09 PM


Guest Jamie from Chicago, IL says...
BTW Doreen - Do you still have your salon business? If so, do you do makeovers on crossdressers/transvestites? I get out your way frequently and would love to set up an appointment if you do and would be interested. Thanks (and thanks for having the courage to make the statement that you did)
Posted: 10/2/2005 9:14:38 PM


Guest Jamie from Chicago,IL says...
As a life-long crossdresser, I am so glad to see this practice starting to emerge. I can think of nothing I would have enjoyed more than have been a part of a bridal party in some capacity "en femme" earlier on in my life. To all you females and future brides out there - you go ahead and do what you feel is right and don't worry about what others may think. There are many more of us out here who would love to do something like that than you think.
Posted: 10/2/2005 9:04:02 PM


Guest Doreen from Raleigh, NC says...
As a salon owner, I've had the pleasure of assisting 8 to 10 bridal parties over the years that included a pre-teen or teen boy taking on the role of a flower girl or bridemaid. It WAS a pleasure to help primp and polish those boys, and I must say that the end result was fascinating; they looked every bit the part, and they were just as adorable as the girls. By the way, all of them looked forward to the experience, and none had to be coerced into it any way--they did it out of love for the bride or her family. And, nothing about the experience in a feminine role messed them up emotionally. After all, they were only acting out a part, much like a role in a play. Just because a guy puts on a dress, it doesn't mean he's gay; and playing a part on one occasion doesn't screw someone up for life. I have to emphatically disagree with Tom, from Pittsburgh. His views presented on this forum are too contradictory to be believable. I studied a little about crossdressing and transvestism in college, and I'm sure it starts in childhood. Why should a crossdresser have to wait until he's an adult to show his feminine side. Since Tom's a crossdresser, he should know that. Besides, he wouldn't have liked it if he would've been forced to suppress that side of himself until he turned 21. On the other hand, I do agree with Tony, from Fayetteville. A wedding is a day that all girls look forward to so it should be geared more toward them than it is the groom (there aren't too many grooms that look forward to marriage and already have every little detail planned out on the night he proposes.) There is room for the groom to present a few ideas and make some suggestions, but overall, the bride is entitled to have what she wants on her special day (and it is the bride's family that's paying.) Tom's thinking is pretty pathetic if he thinks the bride is worried about a male flower girl or male bridesmaid being prettier than herself. Some of you people need to lighten up. Fashion is a lot more wide open than it used to be, and what used to be taboo in decades gone by isn't necessarily so today!
Posted: 10/2/2005 1:57:08 AM


Guest Tom from Pittsburgh says...
Maybe that wasn’t written very well so let regenerate. I have no problems with any adult doing anything. I have nothing but empathy for your boys that cross-dress. I think when parents recognize that there child may have gender issues and they help instead of turn a blind eye… good for them. I don’t care that these boys dressed up and pretended to be girls for a day. Your take on a wedding to me is really odd. The woman dreamt about it, her family pays for it, so she gets what ever she wants… case closed. Wow. I still believe the adult that has a “straight” little boy and thinks that this is a good ides has some issues. If you wanted my child to be in your wedding, then you get my child, not your concept of what your wish my child was. A bride asking this is weird, really odd. I have been around allot of people dressed up, the reaction vary of course, but every now and then I get a creepy feeling about someone’s take on it. It’s hard to explain. Why is it the boy can’t be a boy? Why must he be a girl, if you want to discuss that issue, that’s a good one. A girl in a tux would never be called cross-dressing and you’d never consider her a boy for the day. This is what holds back transvestites, the thought you’re always impersonating a female, that the clothes are female. If I don’t wear a bra and padding on my chest, I don’t care how much to you I may appear female, I’ve not altered my figure so I’m not impersonating a woman… It’s just me in a dress. As long as everyone always considers transvestites doing drag the general population’ll never take us serious. When I dress I’m not exploring my femme side, I’m not a girl, it’s what feels normal to me, what feels correct. That’s a very difficult concept to come to terms with for allot of people. My character traits are not divided into two personas, there’s only one me and sometimes I wear a dress, makeup and high heels. I may look very female, but I’m not. It would be nice if the world would grow up. I don’t expect it that my life. I don’t believe this battle will be fought be little boys in flower girl dresses.
Posted: 9/27/2005 3:33:01 PM


Guest Troy from Fayetteville, AR says...
Tom, it sounds like you're a little confused about what soapbox to jump on. I know June Cleaver was a fictional TV character, but there is a whole host of the female populace that adopted the mentality that the actress was asked to portray. Your statements are more peculiar than anything else that's been posted on this subject, on this forum. Here you are, an admitted crossdresser, stating that you would've loved to experience being a bridesmaid or being able to marry your wife with both of you wearing gowns; and instead of being happy other citizens are trying to open the door for boys to do that very thing without having to experience shame and humilation, you ridicule those that are advocating it and tell them that they're blatantly wrong--that it's a sick perversion to have to use coercion. You ask why a wedding is so important for the bride, and why shouldn't the groom have more of a say; well, it's because most girls grow up dreaming about their wedding day, and most (if not all) want it to be perfect--almost like a fairy tale. Besides, its the bride's side of the family that has to foot most of the bill. With that being the case, my opinion is that the bride damn well better gets what she wants! So what if some of their wishes border on selfishness or peculiarity--too bad, so sad. Deal with it! One last thought, Tom; you made it seem that most of the boys from these forum posts that were asked to wear dresses were either conned or coerced into doing it. I seriously doubt that was the case with these boys. My perception is that all but a few were willing participants and actually relished the experience. With that said, why don't you stop criticizing and start advocating crossdressing, if you're a crossdresser yourself? You're in no position to criticize.
Posted: 9/27/2005 1:04:24 AM


Guest Tom from Pittsburgh says...
June Cleaver was a fictitious character she had no mentality. It’s one thing to ask an adult male to be a bridesmaid he’s an adult and can make up his own mind completely appreciating all the ramifications of this gesture. To enlist a child is completely another item. A child may find this to be a great adventure… sure I don’t doubt it; I would have, however this is all about the adults here. There is something sexually peculiar about a bride that so needs her outfits to match, that a boy needs to pretend to be a girl for the day. There’s no suit this boy can wear to fit in? Why would a woman think that her day is so special that she can toy with the gender identity of a child? What parent would go for this? This isn’t Halloween, it’s a wedding. I can’t imagine the conversation. Lets see, oh Bill, your aunt wants you to be in her wedding, but you have to be the flower girl. Yes, you’ll wear a dress and be a girl for the day. You understand what were talking about don’t you? There has to be some coercion on the part of the adults… maybe just the way it’s presented to the child as something fun and exciting… it’s all kinds of wrong. I’m no prude nor am I against cross-dressing at all, if this is what the boy is and is old enough to make this decision for himself with no outside pressure, than fine. A recurring theme is that it’s the bride’s “special day” and all should be as she wants. What she wants is so important gender roles Well it’s the groom special day also, what if he wants to be the bride, hair, make-up, heels a dress with a train… what about that? How is that to be resolved, I’m just sure that the bride won’t mind after all her flower girls are all boys. I hope he’s not prettier then her, because than he’d be the center of all attention on her special day. Just so you all know, I’m 45 and have been a transvestite since I was 4. I’ve been around all types and seen all kinds of reactions to my dressing, every now and then, believe or not someone’s reaction creeps me out, leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I can never put my finger on it, it’s a felling I get… something is just not right here oddly enough it’s almost always from a woman. I’m married and my wife is very supportive of my cross-dressing. We speak about renewing our vows, this time with both of us as the bride. She knew about me before we married, our ceremony was VERY traditional. I joke that I wanted to be a bride too she said she wanted to be the bride, the only bride and I understood.
Posted: 9/26/2005 10:24:27 AM


Guest Troy from Fayetteville, AR says...
DR's post was a little confusing, but I think what she was trying to say was that she's against having a boy be part of a wedding party if he's wearing a dress. Although she's certainly entitled to her opinion, what makes her think that hers is the only one that matters? And, how are brides who choose to dress their attendants in matching outfits being selfish? A wedding is the bride's day, and every bride wants her day to be perfect. If original plans go awry, why shouldn't they be allowed to make contigency plans? Too bad for those of you who are disgusted and repulsed by the idea of boys being flower girls or bridesmaids. I had the OPPORTUNITY to be a bridesmaid at my cousin's wedding and it didn't screw me up pyschologically. In fact, I met the girl who would eventually become my wife at that wedding, and we'll never forget that we GOT to wear identical dresses and have our hair and makeup done by the same stylist. I wouldn't give that experience up for anything in the world! Stop being so negative people and begin to realize that this isn't the '50s or '60s. We're a generation removed from the "June Cleaver" mentality!

Wedding Date: June 23, 1987
Posted: 9/26/2005 1:45:54 AM


Guest DR from Charleston, SC says...
I think that little boys should be dressed as little boys and little girls as little girls. I am looking to get married in a couple of months. I have a six year old son and I want him to be in my wedding. I am not sure where exactly I want him to do but there are a few. A ring bearer, a flower boy, or to give me a way. But in any case I think boys should wear tuxedos (pants) and little GIRLS should wear dresses. I think anybody who is not open to changes from a "traditional" wedding is narrow minded! I think they are also being selfish because they don't take other peoples feelings (child or not) into consideration. If the little boy chooses to wear a dress I feel that any NORMAL adult should do what they can to discourage it but that is a choice that I think the individual should make, not everyone else. If a grown woman cannot except "removing" someone from their wedding ceremony (a flower girl, or a bridesmaid) in case of an emergency or not having someone to fill the position that makes their dreams come true, again they are selfish and they need to take a look in the mirror.
Posted: 9/25/2005 7:58:35 PM


Guest JillBowden from Birmingham says...
The (few) boys I fitted out as bridesmaids seemed as enthusiastic as any girl. I wouldn't want any part of making a boy a a page or a ring-bearer if they didn't want the role, let alone a full-blown bridesmaid. A wedding is a happy event to be enjoyed by all, not an ordeal to be endured.
Posted: 9/24/2005 1:14:39 PM


Guest Amanda from Redondo Beach, CA says...
To Ellen from Pittsburgh, PA. I'm sure the experience you related must have been horrifying for Danny; however, I'm also sure that that's the exception, not the rule! In this day and age, there's nothing wrong with allowing a boy to experience his feminine side, especially on a day that's so important to a bride. The clothing one wears doesn't affect his/her sexual orientation! It's your family that should be reprimanded for teasing Danny, not those of us who are looking to take fashion to the next level. The number of boys that participate in weddings while wearing a dress consider it a privilege and a positive thing the vast majority of the time. Only a very small percentage wish that they didn't have to do it, such as this case, with Danny. So, to all of you naysayers: Start thinking more progressively, please!
Posted: 9/23/2005 2:22:10 PM


Guest Ellen from Pittsburgh, PA says...
This is remarkable! I wouldn’t believe had I not seen it for myself. June 2002 we traveled many hundred miles to attend my cousins wedding. The ceremony started and down the isle came the bridesmaids arm in arm with the groomsmen, I recognized 5 out 6 of the girls as nieces. I asked my aunt sitting next to me who the very pretty young lady was, and to my horror she said, “Oh that’s your cousin Danny”. Apparently the night before, the maid of honor was in a minor car accident and not able to attend. I just don’t understand the thinking of my Aunt and cousin, instead of rearranging the ceremony, they focused on replacing this Girl and they looked no further then the people sitting in front of them when they received the bad news. Danny did not want to do this; they employed guilt as reason, “Your sisters wedding will be ruined if you don’t help”. Unbelievable. Danny is a slight 14 year, not tall at all, very skinny, long hair… he’s just small. They retrieved the dress and shoes and all of it and made him up that night. His mother, my sister thought this was a good idea! He went to bed that night in a slip… to “get into character”. The next morning all the girls got together to dress, a hair dresser and make up stylist was there to assist and there’s poor Danny. The attention he received was not nice or kind, from what I’ve been told they never stopped teasing him… and this was from his relatives. Well, the ceremony ended and very few people knew, by the time the reception began that was a different story. Everyone knew, he was the center of attention. None of the other “girls” changed clothes so his was not allowed too either. He received more attention then the bride; this is when it seemed that this charade was no longer fun or funny. My sister and cousin in order to redirect the focus to her, started telling folks that this was Danny’s idea and that they suspected he’s done this many times before when alone. Imagine how vulnerable this boy felt, standing there wearing and I must admit a beautiful bridesmaids gown, they had him wearing padded a bra, shaved his legs and it seemed to me gone way out of there way to humiliate him. They pierced his ears, the high heels they had him ware were the pointed toe pump type with a spike heel. The girls wore sandles with maybe a 2 inch heel, his was much higher then the other girls maybe 4 inches, inappropriate for 14 year old even if he was a girl. The undergarments were what a girl would ware. If they had told no one, on one would have ever known, he passed, and actually he was very pretty and very embarrassed. People started directing very cruel comments his way, my husband and I left and took him with us. In the car he started to cry, he was so ashamed. We took him home so he could change. I called his father… my sister’s second husband and told him of this. He filed and won complete custody. My sister and a large part of my family do not talk to me. They think I’m a horrible invasive bitch. My husband and I did Danny a big favor and he’s safe and happy. This is the United States, girls dress as girls or boys, but boys must dress as boys. I didn’t make this up… it’s the rules.

Wedding Date: 6/26/02
Posted: 9/23/2005 11:58:53 AM


Guest Rhonda from Providence, RI says...
This comment is to Mary G from Dover, NJ. Posting pictures of fully-clothed children on the internet isn't illegal. I know several people (myself included) would love to see pictures of boys dressed as flower girls or bridesmaids, if you have any. If you feel that you lack skill and expertise on the computer, there are people out there who'd willing to help you. Most of the time, the fee would be very nominal, if they charged you anything at all. My point is that it's definitely something that CAN be done, and you (or any others that have pictures like that to post) would be making a lot of other people happy by posting them.
Posted: 9/11/2005 4:09:40 PM


Guest naomi from lancshire says...
hi there my name is naomi I was wondering if you could make me a nice dress for my wedding in 2009

Wedding Date: 22 /2/2009
Posted: 9/11/2005 1:43:19 PM


Guest Chrystal from Columbia, SC says...
I am totally envious of you brides who were able to have young boys dressed as flower girls or bridesmaids for your weddings! I had asked a very good friend of mine (a male) to be one of my bridesmaids. He and I have been close since the 2nd grade. Originally, he told me he would, but in the end, chose not to be in my line while wearing a dress. He still came to the ceremony and attended the reception, but just it wasn't the same, and I think he knows now how much it hurt me that he backed out. He was afraid of the other guests' opinions and comments, but after attending the services and seeing how friendly and accepting both my side of family and my husband's family was, he said it was the biggest mistake of his life not to be supportive of me and go along with my wishes. He's straight by the way, but we've had a few activities over the years where he's gone out in public while dressed as a girl, and we've always relished those experiences. He's very cute and passable as a girl when he's wearing a dress. He told me that if he had the ability to turn back the clock, he would be one of my attendants and would be dressed the same as my other bridesmaids. More of you ladies should insist on this--it's your ceremony after all! And, everyone needs to be more tolerant--it's a lot more commonplace that it used to be! It's just clothes we're talking about--nobody needs to freak out and get all upset about it.

Wedding Date: 05-28-2002
Posted: 8/28/2005 2:37:20 PM


Guest David from NJ says...
When I was 10 and my Aunt was getting married, me being the only youngster at the wedding was dressed up as a flower girl. My mom bought a beautiful white organza full skirted dress and white satin shoes. I had longish hair and we did go to a salon with the wedding party and i was given full makeup with light pink nail polish and they did my hair in curly tendrils with some white baby's breath woven in. I remember having so much fun that day and dont really remeber the ceremony too much, but do remember the reception. I was dancing and running around in my dress and the girls in the wedding party thought I was so cute. I sat at their table and thought it was amazing to be sitting with all the girls in teir own beautiful bridesmaids dresses. I have never wished that it didnt happen.
Posted: 8/19/2005 7:39:27 PM


Guest JillBowden from Birmingham says...
I have run a wedding business for 12 years and I can recall four instances of little boys being dressed as bridesmaids. At first I was taken aback, but I eventually realised there was no harm in it - in fact I bet they found it something of an adventure for them. As a kid, I was a real tomboy, but I adored my one and only experience of being a bridesmaid. Nobody thinks twice about girls wearing boyish clothes for traditionally masculine activities, and nobody would suggest that experience turns them gay. Why should we deprive little boys enjoy the pleasure of being bridesmaids if they want? It's clear that some boys would love to do that.
Posted: 8/18/2005 12:01:22 PM


Guest Amanda from Redondo Beach, CA says...
I know Lei has just recently posted a statement that boys who are ring bearers or bridesmaids should be dressed in shorts or pants, but who's to say what the norm is anymore? I think dressing young boys in dresses to participate in a wedding is more common than people think, and everyone should have an open mind about it nowadays. It took a little bit of convincing for me at first too , though. You see, my twins (a boy and a girl) were asked to fill in at my sister's wedding because two of her bridesmaids had to back out at the last minute. At the time the twins were 5 (now 13), but Kelly (the boy) felt like an outsider until my sister asked if he'd mind wearing a dress for the occasion. She practically helped me raise the two and would often dress Kayla and Kelly alike while I was at work. So, wearing a dress was no big deal to him, and the twins looked so adorable on the day of Jennifer's ceremony -- almost like identical twins. Kelly's not gay by any means, either; he's a good athlete and very much into girls (and he's a looker). He absolutely loved the whole bridesmaid experience, from getting his hair and nails done (like his sister) to wearing make-up, to wearing tights, petticoats; and the same pretty dress that the other bridesmaids wore. It was a great day for my sister and we all still cherish those memories. Since then, Kayla and Kelly have been asked to be a part of three other ceremonies for family and friends. Boys wearing bridesmaid or flowergirl dresses shouldn't be considered taboo anymore. It's actually great!

Wedding Date: 03-28-1997
Posted: 8/17/2005 9:12:02 PM


Guest Kirsten from Næstved, Denmark says...
My husband's cousin - a boy - was our bridesmaid when he was aged 7 years old. He stepped in for another cousin, a girl aged 9 years who had to go into hospital at the last minute. Now he's in his mid twenties, married and has a daughter of his own. He treasures his memories of our wedding and the photographs of him in his dress. No harm done.

Wedding Date: May 22nd 1988
Posted: 8/17/2005 5:03:07 PM


Guest Lei Lydle, Editor from says...
Ladies and Gentlemen,

Please do not resort to name calling on these posts. I reserve the right to remove any post I deem to be innappropriate for this site or offensive in any way. I realize that everyone has different beliefs but I think this particular string about dressing boys in flower girl dresses has gotten a little out of hand.

You should dress your ring bearers in shorts or pants.

~ Lei
Posted: 8/17/2005 8:33:34 AM


Guest Marybeth G from Dover, NJ says...
Sorry, I don't think that would be a good idea. Posting pictures of minors comes very close to being illegal. No matter what they're wearing. Plus I'm not very skilled with computers-I have no idea how one would go about posting a picture!

Wedding Date: 7/31/06
Posted: 8/12/2005 8:37:19 PM


Guest from says...
Well, Marybeth. Please post a few pictures of those boys in the dresses.
Posted: 8/12/2005 7:38:19 PM


Guest Marybeth G from Dover, NJ says...
The custom of boys wearing dresses lasted until well into the last century. They were similar for both boys and girls, so I don't see the problem with reverting to it. If enough moms began to raise their sons that way, the custom would be reinstituted, and no little boy dressed as the flower carrier would need to feel embarassed or out of place. Until that happens though, as someone pointed out, some little boys are attracted to dresses naturally (especially easy going, etc.), and most every nursery school with a dress-up box has several who prefer to wear clothing generally considered to be for girls. If they don't feel traumatized there, why would they feel that way at a wedding wearing the same thing? They might even prefer it! And last-why would being dressed as a female be such a long-term problem? That implies that clothing and activities generally considered feminine are inferior to those considered masculine,which they aren't. If a little boy prefers to wear pretty dresses and hair ribbons, why not let him go with his nature? As I said, any sons I have will certainly have that opportunity-as long as possible. At young ages, I don't think it would matter if the flower carrier was a boy or girl-any child would look adorable in any of the dresses that have been posted.

Wedding Date: 7/31/06
Posted: 8/12/2005 10:35:17 AM


Guest christal from ky says...
ive never heard of a boy wearing the flower girl dress, as a flower girl, or anything. in my part of the country, if a boy was to wear a dress, he would get made fun of.

Wedding Date: ?
Posted: 8/11/2005 4:52:29 PM


Guest gapeach from marietta ga says...
I just want to state that although it is very nice that everyone is so open-minded these days i think we have taken it too far with the boys in dresses. These poor little children are paraded around like dolls...and as for the 6 year old or even older ones spoke about...I would like to see what they become in later years because I wouldn't be surprised if the photos and memories of being dressed up as a female haunt them for life. Little boys are not meant to wear dresses in society these days so why do it? They look just as cute in little shorts. I mean men used to wear togas and wraps but that doesn't mean we should go back to it does it? Think about the repercussions in years to come...wedding pictures are around for a life time.

Wedding Date: undecided
Posted: 8/8/2005 11:06:49 AM


Guest from says...
Any pictures of that boy wearing the flower girl dress?
Posted: 8/7/2005 7:36:03 PM


Guest Anna from California says...
I'd never heard of anyone using a boy as a flower girl until earlier this year. In May, my husband and I went to a wedding of a friend and their flower "girl" was her sister's six year old son. He has quite long hair and they had him completely decked out in a flower girl dress, with curled hair, painted nails, the whole works. At least at first few people knew he wasn't a boy, but it quickly became the buzz and so at the reception his mother changed his clothes, pulled his hair back, but he still had the nail polish - and a hint of makeup as well. He seemed fine with it but I think it would take a special easy going boy who wouldn't mind this. I don't know that I'd recommend it and I know you couldn't get my son to do it, but it does (or at least did once) happen. PS He was cute as a button, too.
Posted: 8/5/2005 9:21:21 AM


Guest MaryBeth G from Dover, NJ says...
I was thinking about this topic-and remembered that up until the early part of the last century, boys and girls were often dressed identically-in dresses, with boys not having their curls cut until they were often 8 or 9 years old. We even have some family pictures of male relatives as children from that time period. I think it would be nice to reinstitute this custom, especially for formal occasions, such as weddings, though full time would be preferable. That way, boys would not be 'put into dresses' that they aren't used to in public for a one-time occasion. They would simply be wearing more formal (i.e flowergirl style) clothing of the type they normally wear, though as someone pointed out, they could dress in this type of clothing on a daily basis. In the family pictures, all the children, both boys and girls, look absolutely adorable in their dresses, so having both the flowergirls and the ringbearer(s) in those US Angel dresses (and matching hair ribbons) in particular would be perfectly normal. For tradition's sake, I think I'm going to raise my own sons this way.
Posted: 8/4/2005 11:19:48 AM


Guest Shannon from Dallas-Fort Worth, TX says...
Ladies and Gentlemen: Dress your little girls in dresses and dress your boys in shorts or pants. Here in America, we have the freedom to celebrate our differences. Let's celebrate the fact that boys are boys and girls are girls and keep them separate. If you have a flower girl dress...find a flower GIRL. For heaven's sake, don't put a boy in it for lack of body options.

Wedding Date: 03/25/2006
Posted: 8/2/2005 5:47:39 PM


Guest MaryBeth G from Dover, NJ says...
I went to the pictures of the US Angel dresses-and I think they're beautiful. I think any little boy would be very happy to be able to wear such lovely clothing as a ringbearer/flower girl. Naturally, you might want to have him wear dresses for several months prior to the date to get used to them, and of course let his hair grow somewhat longer so that the ribbons look prettier. This is a wonderful idea-when my younger sister (now 16) has her wedding in 10 years or so, if I have a son of that age, I'll suggest that she choose that dress for him. I don't think I'd even put an age limit on it-he could even be her junior bridesmaid in an appropriate dress at an older age.

Wedding Date: July 31, 2006
Posted: 8/2/2005 12:15:13 PM


Guest from says...
Yeah! And in my case, it is the bride who picked my son to be her flower girl because the bride thought that my son would be the best one. And one son was really looking forward to this when the bride picked a beautiful white satin dress for my son. I don't want to let the bride and my son down on such a special day.

Wedding Date: Sept 2005
Posted: 8/1/2005 4:48:11 PM


Guest Sue from Mpls MN says...
What is the problem with letting a boy wear a dress, etc for the wedding. Weddings are to be fondly remembered, and he would have a joyful lifetime memory. It will not warp him.
Posted: 8/1/2005 3:28:28 PM


Guest Teresa Sumner from Dallas, Texas says...
Why the hell would you put a boy in a dress? That is maybe why more boys are growing up to be gay or wanting to change their sex. DO NOT put your ring bearer in a dress. I bet most the guests would say the same thing I do. The only time a boy should be in a dress is on their baptism day (christening dress).

Wedding Date: October 22, 2005
Posted: 7/30/2005 1:21:42 AM


Guest Lei Lydle, Editor from says...
Ladies,

To be clear, we allow readers to post suggestions on this site but it is not the suggestion of this site that you dress your ring bearers or boys in flower girl dresses. It is common in some cultures for little boys to wear dresses and I have seen some VERY young ring bearers in some American weddings wearing smock dresses that look more like religious robes during the wedding ceremony only. However in traditional American culture, boys should dress for the formality of the wedding in shorts or pants. Good luck! ~ Lei
Posted: 7/27/2005 10:33:02 AM


Guest Bridget from MI says...
Please, I'm begging you to tell me that this is some sort of sick joke and you aren't REALLY having your poor SONS dress up in actual dresses. I'm honestly, truly, horrified. Are you so ebsessed with having a flower GIRL that you think it's ok to have your sons wear a dress?? I'm in shock!!! Not to mention just plain disgusted.
Posted: 7/26/2005 11:40:53 PM


Guest kc from new jersey says...
When your boys grow up with mental problems because you put him in a dress in a wedding in front of 200 people, don't wonder why.

Wedding Date: august 2005
Posted: 7/26/2005 12:22:47 PM


Guest jaime from sacramento says...
My friend designs customized wedding tutus (visit www.weddingtutu.com) they are a perfect and adorable solution for flower girl dresses - at a fraction of typical dress costs. They can match with your bridemaid colors also!

Wedding Date: tbd
Posted: 7/25/2005 4:04:26 PM


Guest from says...
I've been looking for flower girls to attend the wedding, but I can't find a girl who wants to attend. Is it ok to choose a boy who will wear the flower girl dress and do the flower girl's job? HELP!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 7/19/2005 5:27:07 PM


Guest from says...
Thanks to this site, I'm found just the right flower girls and ring bearers. My son is going to be one of the ring bearers, and I'm glad that I found just the right flower girl dress for him. When he first tried that dress on, and he came out, he looked adorable in that dress. So I bought it. My son wearing that flower girl dress at the wedding would be a perfect match of the dress that the flower girls are wearing. There is a picture of the dress I bought at http://www.elegantlacebridal.com/images/flowergirls-usangels.jpg That website is showing the girls wearing those dresses and my son is going to look great in that dress.
Posted: 7/19/2005 2:45:06 PM


Guest from says...
I simply believe that boys below the age of 10 attending a wedding should be wearing flower girl dresses instead of tuxedo because young boys find tuxedos really uncomfortable. Boys below the age of 10 should not be hesitated to wear dresses, skirts or any type of beautiful clothing. It is very normal for a young boy to be wearing a beautiful dress.
Posted: 7/19/2005 2:26:35 PM


Guest from says...
If anybody's flower girl is growing and getting to big to wear her old flower girl dresses, she can give that dress to her younger sisters or brothers to wear. If the little brothers really like to wear dresses, you should dress him the way you dress girls.
Posted: 7/19/2005 10:52:40 AM


Guest from says...
Pam McCall from Norcross,GA is correct. Dressing the little boy in tuxedo can be uncomfortable, so parents should not force them to wear them. If the boy wants to wear casual clothing, you should let him. However, you can also put the boy in a beautiful flower girl dress, he would look adorable in a flower girl dress. So if your boys want to wear dresses or skirts, you should always let him. In addition to the flower girl dresses, you can also put a pink ribbon on his hair to make him especially beautiful. US angel dresses are very beautiful so I suggest you put that boy in one of those dresses. Bring an additional dress or skirt and a pair of pants just in case that boy feels uncomfortable in the dress or puts a stain on the beautiful dress, he can change into another dress or skirt or change into a pair of pants.
Posted: 7/19/2005 10:48:53 AM


Guest from says...
The most beautiful dresses are probably US Angel dresses. If your toddlers are attending a wedding, you can dress both the boys and the girls in these beautiful dresses. Imagine a 5 year old boy wearing this beautiful white dress with a pink ribbon on his hair.
Posted: 7/19/2005 10:26:09 AM


Guest from says...
hi JA from Detroit, Mi. Yes! An 11 year old boy would be more of a junior groomsmen. Also an 11 year old boy would be a bit to old to wear flower girl dresses to the wedding (my sister always put her son in flower girl dresses to almost everywhere!). But, if the 11 year old boy is really attracted to dresses, he can wear them. But a suit would make him more of a man.
Posted: 7/18/2005 9:44:50 PM


Guest from says...
Addition comment to Lauren from San Diego, CA. If your nephew is not very used to wearing a dress but wants to wear one you can put him in beautiful dresses everyday.
Posted: 7/18/2005 9:39:06 PM


Guest J.E. from Oklahoma says...
This is a reply to Lauren from San Diego, CA. It is very normal for a 6 year old boy to be wearing a flower girl dress. In a special day like this, you should put him in a beautiful flower girl dress matching the flower girls' dress. This would make your boy very beautiful and cute.

Wedding Date: Oct 2005
Posted: 7/18/2005 9:33:10 PM


Guest J.E. from Oklahoma says...
This is going to be a great wedding for my friends. There are going to be flower girls and ring bearers. The ring bearers who are boys are going to be wearing the beautiful flower girl dresses that matches the dresses of the flower girls. So in your wedding, you can dress your toddler boys beautifully by putting them in beautiful dresses like flower girl dresses or party dresses.

Wedding Date: Oct 2005
Posted: 7/18/2005 9:28:32 PM


Guest J.E. from Oklahoma says...
This is going to be a great wedding for my friends. There are going to be flower girls and ring bearers. The ring bearers who are boys are going to be wearing the beautiful flower girl dresses that matches the dresses of the flower girls. So in your wedding, you can dress your toddler boys beautifully by putting them in beautiful dresses like flower girl dresses or party dresses.

Wedding Date: Oct 2005
Posted: 7/18/2005 9:28:27 PM


Guest Lauren from San Diego, CA says...
I was wondering if it is normal for my nephew who is 6 to wear the flower girl dress. My sister was telling me that boys in other cultures will wear the dresses until age 9 ro 10. I never heard of this.

Wedding Date: Oct. 2006
Posted: 7/13/2005 6:14:56 PM


Guest Cat from Manhattan Beach, CA says...
My daughter was asked to be the flower girl in my brothers' wedding. I agreed to let her, but the dress that the bride picked out is 300.00! I was going to give my brother a sum of money for his wedding gift. Would it be appropriate to let the dress be his gift instead? Help!

Wedding Date: December,2005
Posted: 6/14/2005 8:23:01 PM


Guest Patti from Atlanta, GA says...
I desperatly need to find an off-white/ ivory peter pan collar shirt/blouse in size 4X to wear with an Eton Suit for my ring bearer. The groomsmen are wearing ivory shirts. Please let me know where I might find this. I've searched the net. Thanks

Wedding Date: 07-23-05
Posted: 6/6/2005 9:36:47 PM


Guest Stacy from Hamburg, NJ says...
My son is wearing a black eton suit in a wedding. Does he wear white knee socks with the black shoes or black knee socks? Help anyone?

Wedding Date: July 2005
Posted: 5/9/2005 4:34:18 PM


Guest Andrea from Lancaster, ca says...
My 5 Year old daughter was asked to be in a friends wedding. The bride picked out a Jr. bride dress that looks similar to her own. I have a problem with the dress though, I think it is way too grown up for my 5 year old. I dont want to hurt the brides feelings what do I do??? Plus this dress is $150! I think that is an outragous amount for a childs dress! I am trying to find alternate dresses, but I am still so worried about hurting her feelings. Her mom said well of coarse its grown up she is sposed to look like a bride! HELP!!!

Wedding Date: May 22
Posted: 2/5/2005 10:04:01 PM


Guest M.N. from T&T says...
thanks a lot. your site really helped me in organising my bridal party artire without you i do think i would of been at a loss, as i tried to remember every thing . thanks again

Wedding Date: july
Posted: 2/2/2005 12:12:06 PM


Guest Lei Lydle, Editor from says...
JA,

The Ring Bearer is generally a young boy between the ages of 3 and 7.

11 really is too old for a Ring Bearer. A boy of this age could be a Junior Groomsmen or Usher.

This is a link to another article with more information about Ring Bearers. Good luck! ~Lei
Posted: 8/3/2004 1:29:29 PM


Guest JA from Detroit, Mi says...
My brother's fiancee said my son (brother's nephew) could be a ring bearer along with 4 other boys. My son will be 11 next year. I think it more appropriate that he be a junior groomsmen. Comments?

Wedding Date: July 2005
Posted: 8/3/2004 1:12:37 PM


Guest ka from pennsylvania says...
4 ring boys. now thats nuts!

Wedding Date: 6/11/05
Posted: 7/14/2004 12:55:44 AM


Guest Maureen Mcginley from Philadelphia, Pa says...
I agree- I do not come from the "little man in tuxedos school" - I think it is adorable to have the little men in a classic Eton suit- with shorts- too cute- tuxedos on little men seems odd to me.

Wedding Date: 7-10-04
Posted: 6/23/2004


Guest LaTasha Nicole' Rivers from Atlanta,GA says...
The silk/satin classic strausburg ring barrer outfits chosen by my mother for our wedding are not casual shorts but very formal appropriate wedding attire.

Wedding Date: July 30,2004
Posted: 6/7/2004


Guest Pam McCall from Norcross,GA. says...
I am glad to see someone understands that little boys should look their age and not like little men. Have you ever noticed how uncomfortable they are when forced to wear a tuxedo?

Wedding Date: July 31, 2004
Posted: 6/7/2004


Guest larua from miami, florida says...
i think that it is a uniqe idea but is a little off for a wedding. i think the ringbearer should wear a suit or a tuxedo.

Wedding Date: july 20,2004
Posted: 5/30/2004


Guest Mildred Fay Rivers from Atlanta,GA says...
I have finally convinced my daughter to let the 4 little boys that are her ring barriers wear a off white two piece classic shorts outfit by Strasburg Children with white socks and shoes. They will look adorable.

Wedding Date: July 30,2004
Posted: 4/30/2004


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