Response Cards

By Lei Lydle Founder and Editor Last Updated: 3/24/2009 2:42:31 PM

Response Cards are included with the invitations to indicate whether or not a guest will attend your wedding.

To Send or Not To Send?

I have heard so many opinions on response cards that I'm not sure where to begin. Some people think it is tacky to send these cards because guests should feel honored to be invited and should reply on their own.

Some say that it is a waste of money to include them because only about half of the people send them back anyway - even if they have a stamp!! One mother told me that people won't send it back so that they don't have to tell you they are not coming. I think that is absurd because the bride will not only be a little tiffed after the wedding that a person did not show up, but also that they did not bother to reply.

You should always reply!!!!! How hard is it?

Anyway, one bride and groom told me they would never tell anyone to skip the response cards because they had so much fun with them. Every day before the wedding they would enjoy checking the mail to see who would be coming to their wedding. This particular couple invited 150 guests and received all but one of the response cards!!

I have to agree with the couple above. We sent response cards with our invitations and it was very fun receiving them. Many people write a cute note on them when they send them back! We got a pretty accurate head count by sending response cards as well.

The only circumstances under which I would recommend not sending response cards is if you are having an ultra-formal wedding or if you are trying to save money.

Don't Forget The Self-Addressed Stamped Envelope

If you do decide to send response cards, make sure that you include self-addressed stamped envelopes for them. Also, never leave a blank space for the guest to fill in the number of guests attending. Some may think that this means they can bring their entire family!

Wording

The proper wording of the response card is as follows:

11 Comments

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		Magnolia from Marietta, GA says...
		My Response card reads We have reserved ________ seats in your honor. M________________________________________ ___Accept with Pleasure ___Decline with Regrets Please respond by September 10, 2009 This is the way I am attempting to limit the number of guest at the reception Wedding Date: 10/10/09
		Posted: 3/22/2009 11:13:35 PM

		CJ from Alabama says...
		I WANT TO LIMIT THE NUMBER OF GUESTS FOR WEDDING AND RECEPTION HOW DO I DO THIS ON RESPONSE CARD SO THAT I WILL HAVE A APPROX HEAD COUNT AND ALSO SOME PEOPLE ARE INVITED TO THE RECEPTION BUT NOT WEDDING..HOW DO INCLUDE THIS WITHOUT APPEARING MEAN? Wedding Date: n/a
		Posted: 3/19/2009 8:33:20 PM

		Krista Miller from Gainesville, FL says...
		I have an etiquette question. We are on a very limited budget for our daughter's wedding but don't want to cause any hard feelings which I know will occur no matter what we do. We would like to invite everyone to the wedding but have a limit of 125 for the reception. How do we go about inviting everyone to the wedding but only a certain few to the reception. I am so torn and I don't know what to do. Can you please help me. Please respond to email address - my email is: khm1961@atlantic.net. Thank you Wedding Date: March 5, 2005
		Posted: 1/23/2005 3:45:22 PM

		Lei Lydle, Editor from this Site says...
		Limiting the Number of Guests There seems to be a lot of questions regarding how to word the response card when limiting the number of guests. In general this should be handled with the addressing of the invitations and not the response cards. For example, if you need to limit the number of people and you want to invite a single friend you should address the inner envelope of the invitation to “Mr. John Smith” rather than “Mr. John Smith and Guest”. (Read Invitations: Addressing & Stuffing Envelopes for more information.) The problem you may run into, especially with men, is that they may not know the etiquette of wedding invitations and they may invite a guest anyway. To avoid this nicely, you might slip in a personal note explaining your intentions OR you could wait until the guest replies and, if he or she replies with more guests than you intended, you could contact the guest at that point and explain. HOWEVER, some etiquette pros would advise that you send the invitation addressed correctly and you just deal with it if he invites someone – it most likely will turn out to be okay in the end anyway. If you are inviting a particular number of people from certain families you would list all of their names on the inner envelope: “Mr. & Mrs. John Smith, Elizabeth, Chris and Sarah”. This is generally how you would handle the invitation for inviting a family with children under the age of 13. Proper etiquette indicates that anyone over the age of 13 should receive his or her own invitation. If you are limiting the number of guests in general, you could include the words (Limit of 2 guests, please) in smaller type at the bottom of the card as Monica suggested below. This is only appropriate if you are limiting everyone to two guests and in most cases this will not be a viable solution. Special Needs in Formatting Response Cards If you do not want your guests to include their names on the response cards, simply do not include the name line. The number line should remain in tact. If you need a separate headcount for the ceremony and the reception, you could either include two lines on the response card, one for each, or you could include two separate response cards. In most cases, a headcount for the ceremony isn’t necessary since there isn’t any catering involved. Good luck to you all! Lei
		Posted: 5/17/2004

		Stephanie & Scott from Worcester, MA says...
		We are having our wedding and ceremony at a place where there is a certain limit to our guest list. As our guest list must be trimmed, we are trying to limit those who are not married (or do not have a significant other) or single to "Them ONLY"...basically, we do not want them to respond that 2 will be attending if we only want one (1). We are not trying to be tack though, so do you have any suggestions on how to properly word this on the response card? Thanks in Advance, Stephanie & Scott Wedding Date: July
		Posted: 5/16/2004

		LaNisha Reese from Lanham, MD says...
		I'm finished with the invitations and now am ready to format my response card. However, I don't want guests to add names to their response card. How can I avoid this? That blank line I see on most templates almost encourage this behavior. Thanks! Wedding Date: June 12, 2004
		Posted: 4/14/2004

		Jennifer from Fallbrook, CA says...
		I would like to invite a particular number of people from certain families... How do I word that on the response card? Please help! Wedding Date: 7/30/04
		Posted: 3/19/2004

		lpc from los angeles, california says...
		i've got a question: i'm needing a headcount for the ceremony and the reception but they are not being held at the same place. how should i write the response card so that guests can feel free (and are encouraged) to inform us as to whether they will be at one event and not at another? Wedding Date: may 23, 2004
		Posted: 3/18/2004

		lpc from los angeles, california says...
		i've got a question: i'm needing a headcount for the ceremony and the reception but they are not being held at the same place. how should i write the response card so that guests can feel free (and are encouraged) to inform us as to whether they will be at one event and not at another? Wedding Date: may 23, 2004
		Posted: 3/18/2004

		j nanra from london says...
		Is there any way of wording a response card politely if we wish to invite a certain number of people from each family. I would really appreciate if you could email me back jeti_nanra@hotmail.com Wedding Date: 29.08.2004
		Posted: 1/21/2004

		Monica A. Copeland from Atlanta, Georgia says...
		Response cards are definitely a necessity .It is true, however, that 8-9 time out of 10, most invited guest won't respond. In their defense, some guest simply forget to send it back (I've done this myself). This little card not only informs the bride and groom who is/ is not coming, but helps them finalize reception and catering numbers. So I would always include them with the invitation. As for the invited guests that have not responded in a timely manner, it is not unknown for some brides to simply get on the phone and ask the guest if they plan to attend. Of course, this is done tactfully and the bride or groom might even let the guest know that you aren't trying to bug them...you just want to make sure everyone who plans to attend is accomodated. Some folks still consider this to be tacky, so TREAD CAREFULLY! Most guest will understand the call since they know you are probably paying hard earned $$ for reception food. As for the question of how to limit the number of guest on the card, you can simply politely state the limit at the bottom of the card in a little smaller type (Limit of 2 guests, please). Monica A. Copeland It's Your Affair Unique and Custom Stationery
		Posted: 1/21/2004